Wonder child
My wonder child has been stirring for years. Every once in a while she kicks up a storm. My drinking helped me act out what she was feeling. As an adult, drinking allowed her to be angry, bold, and brave. My drinking also helped me soothe her torment. My drinking reached an apex in 1999. I had to either stop or risk losing everything - my job, my house, my freedom. I stopped.
I regained some sanity and control over my life after achieving sobriety. And then I lost my job. Why did I lose my job? There are no simple answers. I suddenly felt lost, empty and alone. I felt inadequate and impotent. I was terrified. The one thing that had comforted me (alcohol) was not a choice.
That was 2 years ago. I am still terrified. I'm afraid that if I return to life in a law office, I will fail. I'm afraid to try anything. I can do many things. Create many things. I cannot market myself. Fear of rejection. There is something that I would like to do. I'm too afraid to write it down for fear it may not come true.
Being creative means having the courage to take risks. Without creativity there is no success. The courage to try new things and to stop and move on when they don't work. To do this you need your wonder child. That spontaneous, resilent and curious child that we all were......in the beginning.
3-18-03@12:00 p.m.